Life happens, you move on?! - Episode 1

"मेरो कथा" is a small space in my personal blog where the words meet and affix together to configure the untold, unprecedented story. I have always considered the story as the most bewildering part of any dimension. It’s like the depth of the ocean you want to measure even if it's dangerous. And when you finally give words in that story, the characters are reborn and you can wander the journey of life from start to end. It's like sitting with the storyteller in a rollercoaster and when it rotates, you view the different aspects of world; you are in a different verse of moments where you enjoy each moments and try to connect the dots between the timeline. When the circle hits 360 degree, you feel lost and you want to start all over again.

In this episode 1, I am going to tell you a story of anonymous how she fell in love, had a broken heart, moved on and now living in a happy world created by her. It's a story of first love; the phase where your heart and fantasy collides. We all know the first love most probably don't work out but the story always remains in your heart as a memory of teenage and sloppy heart. I want you all to tighten your seatbelts and listen this story as it begins;

I had always lived in a hostel of my school in Budhanilkantha from my child age as it was compulsory. The dorm was quite good but I have to admit, the food wasn't that good but it was childhood, who cares right? Life was pretty decent. But what was life back then? I didn’t understand life and I never cared about it. All I had in mind was the homework and boring Math class. Not only I didn’t understand life, but what was love? Well that's far behind. I was happy with my fantasy and my friends. That’s what life had always meant to me in my school days. 

In my school, in class 6, there was a culture among our girls group called “choosing boyfriend” just like what engineering students do nowadays.  The only difference between now and my time was: the boyfriend was chosen by the girls. I was not the highlighted girl of my group but what’s more interesting than them choosing the famous and dashing boy of our class. I knew I had to play the part even though I had no interest on such things, I let them stay in the game of teasing. I felt good sometimes as we had something to talk, you know, non-school talk, girls-to-girls talk. I took the part but it didn’t shallow my heart and I thought, “As when my fate desires, he who he is, shall be the sole purpose of my life.” meaning whatever my fate is in tomorrow future, whoever come and love me, and if I desire him, I should and I will only love him, no on else and that will be the part of my life.

"Did my thought strike the almighty?" "Did the god even hear us?" I don't know but I believed that time, he heard me because I had started noticing the dashing boy. Oops! I forgot to tell his name. His name was Noah. You probably may be wondering my name  right, you can call me Frieden. So, I started noticing him and slowly gasping the air of love when he smiled at me in the hallway. It's probably not the teen love story of Netflix the way it sounds but you know, I felt the string of happiness whenever I saw him. Staring through the obstacles of books, I always found him and the way he was talking, omg who won't fall for him? It might be the attraction that my heart was pondering but either conscious or subconscious, I was only gazing the movement of him. It was like the dance that resides in the corner and slowly taking over the every floor left and it was beautiful.

When my silence was, what my persistence was; it was adhering towards something lusty and I wasn't catching the synchronization of my heart because whenever I was staring at him, he was noticing it or at least I felt like being noticing and looking back at me. "Was that not love?" I mean who stares back just because some random girl stares you? Either he felt creepy or he was thinking the same as like me or he was just curious. Curious about me? Yes, that's the first step of love, I was pretty sure I read that somewhere.

My theories couldn't hold further as he started dating with a famous girl of my class. I should have known, with all those movies I had watched: I should have understood the role of realism and had never let my emotions clouded my heart. But I couldn't judge the reality in front of my stupid heart and at last, I hurt myself. At that moment, I felt I had been in love, in love with the wrong person who now was possessed by other. That's when the word 'love' triggered me. I, by that time, understood the real meaning of love and thought 'love' was created in the era of Gods at the time when they felt like losing something precious even though they had power of eternity and they couldn't let go no matter how hard they tried. Here, I was just a human being, softed by the pondering heart and I couldn't hold my tears at that moment; I went to the toilet and cried, cried for an hour; at the same time, tried to console myself but the crazy witless me, there was no room to end what had already happened. May be, I should have deafened my cry, that way I could have moved on. Perhaps, I should have blurred all those vehemence and sought for the new inception. But 'Hope' always barricaded the ally of my buoyancy.

The phase of never ending notion was somewhat coming to the tail end as I started ignoring him. My play didn't last longer as he kept on staring me. "Why the hell bro?" is what I think right now but that time? I was again molded towards his smile and those eyes looking at me, I was just hypnotized by the maze of that glance and 'Hope' out of nowhere said, "Hello my old friend." Well I couldn't ignore my friend, right? How could I ignore hope who warmth my heart and agreed to triumph his heart? Hell yeah! the game was on again but I was prepared for another heart break that I knew.

The silence of my heart, the breeze of my innocence was solely ruling over my soul and wanting him more. I had my hope back so there was nothing to fear because in so loving him, I was thrilled by the dimension of my happiness. "The action speaks louder than the words.", as I had heard; there was some kinda spark between us even though we didn't utter any words each other. He understood me in a difficult moment like when there were boys who were whirling over the front door then he made a way for me: In an event when I didn't get the chair to sit, he sacrificed his for me. I mean even he knew I loved him, why would he do that for me? Why would I fall in love again and again? It was bizarre but still who can stop the heart pounding to fall again?

Glaring at him during our dinner time at a dining room, the dimming of the bulb was dynamic to liberate my love. But the light was actually the shadow to form the shade of darkness when I saw him kissing his girlfriend in the hallway. For a moment I was static, I was shocked but the splashing resonation of my hope roused me. I wasn't heart break this time but I was angry and resentful to my hope that was utter gibberish and I hoped for that vague hope. I didn't cry like the last time, I felt I can move on. The end of school life was near so, distance could make me distant from him, I was sure. Nevertheless, every night, when I tried to sleep, I kept thinking about him and before I sleep, I only revered, "Wake me up tomorrow with the new dawn and I shall smile again."

Years passed, time was briskly, feelings were deep but I was moving on. There was more than just unrequited love in my life as now, I was surrounded by the people who love me eminently. Reminiscing the past was the solidarity of my soul but taking one step at a time wasn’t that difficult. I had fallen down many times and hurt the ones around me to keep myself in a boundary but the limit passed, and I was free. When I walked free, even though I didn’t have wings to fly, I was up above the azure sky, my problems was long gone; all I see was my destiny, my future and I have to thrive the opportunity to succeed.

I have moved on and acquired a different hope of story to tell. I have found my perfect and I am happy. I am smiling. I am laughing just like before. If you ask me, "Do you remember him?" Indeed, I do. Because he taught me the philosophy of love so that I can now love my dearest even better and fathom the  degree of affection towards him.

The new chapter is the new beginning of my life and this time, I see myself flying with him in the azure sky that welcomes us. I would love to share this new chapter of my story with you all someday.

Thank you!!

-anonymous